There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
