sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
