im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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