Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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