why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
