what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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