im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
