i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
