I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
