Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
