no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
