this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i will never coherently bang her
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
