i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
