"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
