just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
