I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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