why do cheetos always look like penises
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
