Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
time to smoke my breakfast
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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