Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
