can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
