I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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