The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
