I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Randomize
