"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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