this must be what syphilis tastes like
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
i need some magic done to my vagina
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
