her vagine was all disorganized.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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