I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
