Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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