his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
