If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
