I look better un-naked...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize