The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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