if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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