TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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