i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize