Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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