worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
