bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
