help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
