Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
