Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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