Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
