i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
