I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
