Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
