so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
