Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
