apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
