Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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