Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
