I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
