peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
