it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
