New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
