I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize