The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
