got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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