that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
