Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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