You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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