Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize