Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
