They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
