I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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