No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
send nudes
from the living room?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
