The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
