just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
this hospital has no fireball
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
