Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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